Women Are Multitaskers By Nature

Women – we’re multitaskers. We’ve always been multitaskers. Everything is one giant mixture in our heads, all at once, and there’s no turning anything off. We dictate lists while we drive. We do the math for our bills while we clean. We think of all the personal stuff we need to do while we’re at work and we think of all the work stuff we need to do when we’re at home. While on vacation, we think of the endless tasks that need to be done when the vacation is over. As we celebrate an accomplishment that took a lot of time and hard work, we’re simultaneously lamenting the countless other projects which still need to be done.

And we are also usually annoyed at the other people in our lives who don’t see the mountain of tasks that we see. Doing 100 things at once is how we are. This is how we process the world. It’s not a choice. It’s a default. We can’t stop it even if we tried, and we do try – but to no avail.

Learning to Become a Single-Tasker

However, some days require us to give up our multi-tasking genius and just be there. Being with a distraught friend, dealing with a family emergency or just breathing through something hard, just being there is enough for that day. And it is a worthy accomplishment. Today my newborn son had multiple issues that left him in discomfort and pain. Nothing I tried seemed to help. So ALL I could do ALL day is hold him, feed him, change him, help him sleep, sing to him and then start all over. He literally took ALL of me all day.

This is unprecedented! Why? Because like I said…women multitask NO MATTER WHAT! We’re kind of “badass” amazing in that way. There isn’t enough stress or delight in the world to turn off our multitasking default.

But today with my son, I could make no lists in the back of my mind. I couldn’t find any solutions to the many problems facing me right now – not even to the immediate problem at hand. I couldn’t do any research on remedies for newborns, though I certainly wanted to. I couldn’t answer any texts, pay bills, take a shower or even make myself something to eat. I could do NOTHING else but comfort him.

Full Concentration and Both Hands

THIS is what makes moms cry and lose it. It’s not that caring for a child is too hard. It’s that the attention required is constant and unyielding. It takes all of your focus, all of your thoughts, and all of your hands. And at the end of a really hard day, you feel defeated and beaten instead of accomplished and satisfied.

Just last year, while managing a construction project, I also planned a PR event, while I dealt with my nephew who had accidentally cut his hand, and I simultaneously fielded phone calls from my team on a mission trip. That was a hard day, but totally doable. At the end of that day, I felt like Wonder Woman. But today I handled no projects, no events, not even a phone call!

With the VERY few spare minutes I had while my boy was sleeping, I wrote this post so that someone could hypothetically hear me. I mean let’s be serious, what I am I gonna do? Call one of my multitasking friends who really is juggling work and kids and life and complain that I can’t think today, that I can’t breathe?

On one hand, I feel beaten and defeated. But that’s just not true. Nor is it fair. I just to have to realize that holding my son IS my accomplishment for today. I have to remember that there are some days – not just for moms but for all of us – when that one thing is ALL you can do. Crying with your best friend when she’s hurt, holding your sister’s hand while her kid is in the hospital, or just surviving through something hard…that one thing is enough for that day. Is IS our great accomplishment for the day and we could not have done it while doing a million other things.

That’s Enough for Today

So I made myself repeat “it’s enough for today” over and over. It’s enough that I just held my son today. It’s enough that I just comforted him nonstop. It’s enough! I don’t need to figure this or any other problem out today. I don’t need to find solutions. I don’t need to make up for all the things I missed. It’s enough to just be with him today – that’s all – just be with him.

There will be other days…days when I can think, when I can take a break, when he’s feeling good and sleeping well. I will have those days and I will once again multitask with the best of them. I will solve all the things creeping up on me, and God will help. There will be many days when I return to the multitasking “badass” I know myself to be. But as for today, it’s a worthy accomplishment to just hold my son. It is enough.