The Fear Of Loss

It’s been creeping up on me, this fear of loss. Not just with this new year but in general – the idea that the more we have, the more vulnerable we are to losing it. Sometimes it’s obvious. If you’re investing money; the more you put in, the more you could potentially lose. With last year’s devastating hurricanes in Houston (where my in-laws live) and also here in Florida, the losses were considerable. Those who had more – bigger houses, more cars, more property – their losses were that much steeper. But what about life “stuff”?. I’m talking about that which cannot be replaced.

When I was single, I often thought about marriage and wondered;

“how can any rational person trust their whole life to another human being, someone who they may or may not know very well, someone who they certainly cannot predict?”

The risk of getting hurt in any number of ways is so high! He could disappoint me or slowly become someone I don’t like. He could deceive me or simply not care enough. He could get hurt or die by no fault of his own. And then what?? Not only would I have to do life on my own again, but I’d also have the immense pain of losing someone and something that’s irreplaceable.

The More We Have, the More We Can Lose

But then I realized this not only applies to marriage, but also to every other joyful and fulfilling thing in life. The more of these joys we have, the more vulnerable we are to losing them. I think about my parents who are now getting older and frailer. One day I won’t have them anymore. I ended up marrying a wonderful guy who adores me. But now I often find myself wondering if he’s ok on a rainy night in bad traffic or during any number of other dangerous possibilities. I have amazing friends who do life with me, but a while ago one of them got cancer and within a couple of months he was gone.  And then, the crown of it all; I got pregnant and had an absolutely beautiful baby boy! He didn’t even exist one year ago, but now my whole life revolves around him.

the fear of loss

Friends, parents, sisters, husbands, wives, sons, daughters – they all make life worth living. They fill it with joy and purpose and laughter and truth. But I think we all harbor this sneaking fear of loss – that all can be lost just as suddenly as it was given. So the more your heart expands and loves beyond measure – the more it can lose those loves. So what then?

Most of us develop some defensive mechanisms to protect us from these possible losses – some walls to keep us safer. The trouble with such defenses is that they don’t really keep us safe, but rather, just lonely and afraid.

For there is no safety from loss in this temporary life, on this small little planet.  Loss is unavoidable, if for no other reason than the fact that no one will live forever.

The movie “Autumn in New York” had this awesome. bitter sweet quote:

“There are only two kinds of love stories in this world — boy loses girl, or girl loses boy”

The Temporary and the Eternal

So there must be a difference between rejoicing over and depending on something. The things that bring me joy and fulfillment are not meant to be the same things that sustain me.  What holds me in existence?  What keeps me safe? That would have to be something permanent and eternal – something I cannot lose.  I can’t think of anything like that in this world so it has to be God and His eternity. Those cannot be lost. I cannot lose His love or the home for which I was made – heaven. This is what holds me in existence – what sustains me and gives me my peace and my strength. This is what I depend on.

Everyone and everything else here on earth – they are just pieces of a whole.

Perfect love, perfect relationships, perfect beauty  – these things we long for and wish they had no end – they cannot fit in this little temporary world.

So, they had to be broken down into pieces: my little boy’s smile, raindrops on the window, my sister’s voice, my mother’s face, the way the sun rays streak through the darkest clouds, my husbands embrace, the laughter of a group of friends.  These are all just pieces of a complete and perfect love and beauty.

The Home We Long ForFear of Loss

But home – in Heaven – the real thing is waiting. Joys not to ever be interrupted by sorrows, relationships with no bitter disappointments, beauty with no messy mistakes, eternal safety without any “what ifs”. It is the WHOLE and REAL of the pieces we taste and often wish for here. So yes, the more we have here on earth, the more we can lose, it’s true. But it’s also temporary. We can lose the pieces here only to be given the whole of it all in Heaven; only to finally be where nothing can ever be lost again and all stories are complete. So though our joys may be temporary, unpredictable and vulnerable here on earth – they are no less worthy of experiencing – for they are beautiful fragments of what is waiting for us in the eternal.